======================================================================= FOR COUNTER GIRLS WHO HAVE CONSIDERED RAINBOWS WHEN GOLD BOOTS ARE ENUF (or: "The Grown Woman in Beige Pumps") ======================================================================= A one-act play by JOE BLEVINS (joeblev@concentric.net) ======================================================================= based on the movie "The Girl in Gold Boots" ======================================================================= [Curtain rises.] [The set is a mock-up of a city street corner. An aging hippie, CRITTER, is playing some wretched folk song on an acoustic guitar. There's an empty guitar case at his feet. Various extras walk by the hippie folk singer without paying much attention. Some toss a few coins into his guitar gase. From the way the extras are dressed (and from the music that blares from their "boom boxes"), we can tell that the play is set sometime during the mid-1980s -- at the height of Reaganomics. Critter is woefully out of step with the times.] CRITTER: [sings] Oh, how much love does it take To change the lightbulb of the world? Tell me, why did love... cross the road? To get to the other side To get to the other si-yi-yi-ide of your heart PASSER-BY: Get a job, ya bum! [The passer-by tosses an empty coffee cup in Critter's guitar case before walking away.] CRITTER: Thank you, sir. Your advice is duly noted. Say, does anyone have any requests...? [There is no response.] CRITTER: Okay, then. Here's another original. [Critter begins awkwardly plunking out a tune on his guitar. A man walks up to him, seemingly interested in Critter's music.] MAN: Hey, that's a pretty good song. You got it written down somewhere? CRITTER: Just the words. Why? MAN: Well, I've got a band, and we're looking for new songs. I'd pay you $100 for that one. CRITTER: Really? MAN: Nah. I was just messin' with ya. Look around you, man. It ain't 1969 anymore. Folk is OUT. Get a calendar. CRITTER: I'll put that on my "to do" list. MAN: You do that. [sniffs] And take a bath while you're at it. [The man throws a few pennies into the guitar case and leaves.] CRITTER: You take care now! [Critter goes back to playing his guitar. A woman in her 30s enters. She wears a very sensible "business" outfit -- what Dave Barry calls the "modified nun" look -- skirt, blazer, blouse, pumps. This woman is MICHELE, the former "girl in gold boots" you've heard tell about.] MICHELE: Critter! There you are! I told you not to leave the house without supervision! CRITTER: Hey, baby, where have you been? You were supposed to be dancing while I played. I think we'd get more change that way. MICHELE: How many times do I have to tell you, Critter? I'm a real estate agent now. I haven't been a professional dancer since the 1960s! CRITTER: I guess I still can't believe you sold out. What about your dream? MICHELE: Selling out *is* my dream! It's the 1980s, Critter! Everybody's selling out! Even Dad sold out... he now has a chain of EAT restaurants throughout the South and West. The Wall Street Journal called him "The Guru of Grease." CRITTER: Well, *I'm* not going to sell out, that's for sure. I'm the same Critter I always was! MICHELE: That's the problem, Critter. You never changed! You never grew up! CRITTER: I'm the same man you impulsively married. What's wrong with that? MICHELE: What's wrong is, I'm not the same naive young go-go dancer *you* married. Let's face it, Critter, we've grown apart. CRITTER: I guess there's just one thing to do then. MICHELE: I guess so. BOTH: [excitedly] DUNE BUGGY RACE!!!!!! [The "city" backdrop is lifted up, revealing two yellow dune buggies. Michele gets in one, and Critter gets in the other. They chase each other around for awhile before finally driving off-stage.] [Curtain falls. Bewildered audience stumbles toward the exits.] T H E E N D