===================================================================== WHERE TERROR CREEPS, TROUBLE (EVENTUALLY) FOLLOWS ===================================================================== a one-act play by Joe Blevins (joeblev@concentric.net) ===================================================================== based on the movie "The Creeping Terror" ===================================================================== [Curtain rises. Lights up. The setting is a lovely park on a spring day. We hear birds chirping. Two elderly men, CHAUNCEY and EDGAR, are sitting on a bench, eating their lunches from brown bags.] [Several moments of silence.] EDGAR: Say, Chauncey... CHAUNCEY: Yeah, Edgar? EDGAR: When is the next Chinese New Year scheduled? CHAUNCEY: Hmmmm. Let me consult my pocket guide to the Chinese calendar. [Chauncey takes a small booklet out of his pocket and examines it.] CHAUNCEY: Looks like it starts on February 5 next year. EDGAR: Oh. [pause] And what day is it today? CHAUNCEY: Today? Why today is the 18th of April. EDGAR: Oh. Thanks, Chauncey. CHAUNCEY: Think nothing of it, Edgar. [Chauncey puts the booklet back in his pocket. The two men resume their lunch. Silence.] CHAUNCEY: Say, Edgar... EDGAR: Yeah, Chauncey? CHAUNCEY: Why did you ask me that? EDGAR: Ask you what, Chauncey? CHAUNCEY: About the Chinese New Year and what day it was today. EDGAR: Well... [pause] There appears to be a Chinese dragon coming towards us. See it there, on the horizon? [Edgar points.] CHAUNCEY: [squints] Oh, yeah! I see it! EDGAR: I was just wondering if it had wandered off from a parade route or something. CHAUNCEY: Why, that's not a Chinese dragon, Edgar. EDGAR: Oh no? CHAUNCEY: No. [Pause.] EDGAR: Well, what is it then, Chauncey? CHAUNCEY: That's what you call a "creeping terror," Edgar. EDGAR: A creeping terror, Chauncey? CHAUNCEY: A creeping terror, Edgar. [Pause.] EDGAR: What, pray tell, is a creeping terror, Chauncey? CHAUNCEY: It's an alien from outer space, Edgar. About ten feet tall, sixty feet long, two or three tons, give or take. EDGAR: You don't say, Edgar. From outer space, eh? CHAUNCEY: Yep. Came in a big silver spaceship and everything. They've got scientists and army men studying the ship right now. [Pause.] EDGAR: What's it doing in our town, Chauncey? CHAUNCEY: Oh, eating people, mostly. EDGAR: Eating people, eh? CHAUNCEY: Yep. Apparently, it analyzes humans by eating them and digesting them, and then it sends that information back to its home planet. EDGAR: Well, if that don't beat all! [Edgar shakes his head in disbelief. Pause.] EDGAR: Has it eaten a LOT of people, Chauncey? CHAUNCEY: Oh, quite a few. Old man Pickett, the Willis twins, Donny from the bowling alley, Suzie Jenkins from Willow Street. They'll have a complete list of names in the paper. EDGAR: Hmmmmm. Looks like our alien friend's been mighty busy. CHAUNCEY: Looks that way. [Pause.] EDGAR: Say, Chauncey... CHAUNCEY: Yeah, Edgar? EDGAR: Should we be fleeing for our lives? CHUANCEY: Now why should we do that, Edgar? EDGAR: Well, that creeping terror IS heading our way, and you DID say it had eaten a lot of people. CHAUNCEY: Oh, I wouldn't worry about it Edgar. EDGAR: Oh no? CHAUNCEY: No. That alien moves pretty slowly, and judging from the distance, he shouldn't be here for at least 45 minutes. EDGAR: So we have enough time to finish our lunches? CHAUNCEY: Plenty of time. EDGAR: That's good to know, Chauncey. Thank you for assuaging my fears. CHAUNCEY: Any time, Edgar. [They go back to eating their lunches. Silence.] [Lights slowly dim to black. We hear a rather frantic NARRATOR.] NARRATOR: And so, our heroes bravely continued eating their egg salad sandwiches! Meanwhile, about a quarter of a mile away, the creeping terror inched towards its next meal! [The lights come back up. The park backdrop is still there, but the bench and the old men are gone. The stage is empty. We hear grunting and panting offstage. Very, very gradually, an object comes into view. It looks like a huge caterpillar made from throw rugs. There are many pairs of human legs underneath, and we hear several VOICES coming from inside the creature.] VOICE #1: I don't think I'm gonna make it, Earl. Can't we stop and take a break? VOICE #2: Not now, Tony. We're almost there. VOICE #3: Almost where? I can't see where I'm going. It's so dark in here. VOICE #4: Yeah. And who is wearing the "High Karate"? VOICE #5: It's Phil. VOICE #6: It is not! VOICE #5: It is, too. I'm right behind you. VOICE #6: No you're not. I'm way up at the front. VOICE #5: Then who is that in front of me? VOICE #7: It's me, Bob. And I'll have you know this is CK One. VOICE #1: I have to go to the bathroom. VOICE #3: I want a drink of water. VOICE #4: I think I'm getting claustrophobic. VOICE #2: Will you guys knock it off? Let's just get this over with! VOICE #3: Who died and made you king? VOICE #4: Yeah! VOICE #2: I'm the only one here showing any professionalism! [The voices start squabbling amongst themselves.] NARRATOR: Will the creeping terror make it til lunchtime? Will Chauncey and Edgar finish their sandwiches it time? Stay tuned for our next exciting episode... "THE TERROR CREEPS TONIGHT" or "SWEEP IT UNDER THE CARPET"! [Closing theme music plays. Black out.] [Curtain falls.] [THE END]